WEIGHTONOMICS

It was four O'Clock in morning. I was in a rush; I needed to catch an early morning flight. As usual I woke up late. Cab was waiting out for a long time. By far, cab-driver had called me thrice; first two times to ask for the directions and third time to wake me up.
    I hurried through my morning rituals and jumped into the car. The moment my seat hit the car seat a buzzer went up and number NINETY started flashing on the car dashboard. I was not surprised by the buzzer but was certainly surprised by the number NINETY. I was eighty-five kg just a week back and here I am at ninety today; five kgs of gain in a week's time was surely a reason to be surprised and to be worried too. I credited some of this gain to my unfinished morning rituals to soften my guilt.
    Speaking of driver disturbed my thoughts. In a very polite tone he was telling me that I am twenty kg overweight by the standard of taxi service and it means I need to pay extra, over and above the normal taxi fare. I smiled at him, showed him my frequent traveller card and told him, "I have enough balance". I knew that I have at least hundred kgs accumulated under my account. Thanks to taxi company which credits one kg for every 100 kilometers of road travel. 
    In the company of my thoughts I didn't realized that I am already at airport. I jumped out of the car leaving five kg discount coupon as a tip for the driver. 
    Standing in a check-in queue, like any other passenger, I too was thinking about today's overweight kg(OWKG) rate. Recently RBI had pegged Overweight KG to US dollar and I knew that yesterday's running rate was ten dollars for a kg. I couldn't really convert it into rupees. Rupee was on slide since 2013 and ever since it was very difficult to track it's value. Relatively, overweight kg was much stable currency. You could always use US dollars if you are out of overweight kg. However Outlets like McD, KFC, Pizza-hut were keeping new overweight KG currency in a healthy circulation.
    By then it was my time to check-in. I paid twenty new overweight kg notes for my extra twenty kgs and secured my boarding pass.
    I still had some more time before I board the plane. So I stopped by a buffet breakfast restaurant. Obviously I was welcomed by a "Good Morning" and a weighing scale. Buffet rate were linked to the guest's weight. Sitting there, around me, were many weights of different kinds, size and shapes. Looking at them anybody would have told you that WEIGHTONOMY was booming.
    I stepped out of the resto after a filling breakfast and boarded by plane. Sitting there I pulled out a new overweight kg note. It looked very similar to regular Rupee note except for the picture of Mahatma Gandhi. Here was no picture of our regular thin & lean Mahatma Gandhi; instead there was a picture of well rounded and overweight SUMO who had a face of Mahatma Gandhi.

WE ARE CONDITIONED

Let me start with a small trick. I want you to imagine any number between one and ten. Now multiply that number by nine. Next, only if your product is a double digit number than do a summation of those digits and use that as your current number. Now multiply your current number by five. Good!!! now store this last number in your memory.

Next task is to imagine digit one as a letter "A", two as a letter "B", three as a letter "C", four as a letter "D" and so on.

Now pull out that number which you have parked earlier and replace it's digits with letters as we have mapped them in our earlier step. At this point you have your number converted to a string of letters.

Next, think about the name of a country which starts with first letter and name of an animal which starts with second latter.

There are every chances of you thinking about "Denmark" and "Elephant". If not, one possibility is that you are from the country "Djibouti" or "Dominica". But believe me, majority of us would think of "Denmark" and "Elephant".  

The point which I want to make is very simple, "We all are conditioned". And that's why in many ways we are predictable. The trick I played is a proof of that.

We are conditioned to think the way we think, we are conditioned to behave the way we behave and we are conditioned to react the way we react. We are being conditioned since the day one on this planet. Starting from our parents we have been conditioned by each and every person and institute which came in our contact. We are conditioned by our relatives; by our neighbors; by our friends; by the school where we studied, by the society, by universities; by our loves, by our spouses and list will go on and on.

All these influences make us what we are today. These influences govern our thinking patterns, our selection patterns, factors we consider for making decisions and more than anything else they decide how we perceive our own self.

Interestingly all of us are implicitly aware of this phenomenon of human personality development and generations of us have effectively used it to their purpose; purpose of creating predictable creatures. In fact I would go to an extent to say that we are robots who in many ways think similarly, act similarly and react similarly. Though many of us have found ways to celebrate their uniqueness but in nutshell that uniqueness is nothing but a variation in conditioning.

Being predictable isn't wrong; in fact it is very much required for the order of our daily life. But worry is that many of us have started believing our conditioning as our reality. We have forged rigid ideas of good and bad. And because of which we refuse to accommodate new ideas; new perspectives and new paradigms. I call it "A for Apple" syndrome.

All of us must strive to break free of this illusion. On occasions it is nice to imagine "A" as "Another World" which has "Ten Moons" and "A Sun" which melts by evening to cause a flood of light.

MAUNAM SARVARTHA SADHANAM (SILENCE IS GOLDEN)

My grandfather was sitting in his chair. He was wearing somewhat sheepish expressions and was staring at the wall in front of him. He knew that she is in foul mood and it would be futile to explain. My grandmother was obviously very angry with him. I don’t exactly remember the reason why but for me that wasn’t important.  The old lady was short tempered so she was never short of reasons. My object of study was my grandfather whom I was observing carefully while pretending to be studying in the same room.  I didn’t hear him say ANYTHING; sometime he would nod but it was very difficult to deduce anything out of that. The show went on until my grandmother ran out of steam and shifted her base.

On her departure I went to him. He still had the same expressions. I whispered to him, “what happened?”, but he couldn’t hear. Next time I was much louder but still no response. But this time he noticed that I am trying to say something; so he lifted up his hands towards his ears; removed his ear plugs and said, “YES DEAR, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY?”…. This was first time that I witnessed the POWER OF SILENCE. Later I have seen even my father applying it. I too practice it on regular basis.

Silence is a very potent tool in marriage. It saves you the hassle of answering unending series of questions if you master it well. Moreover it allows you to keep things open ended by its virtue of not taking any concrete stand. Here is an example…

My wife: Shall we go to Singapore for this December vacation?

Me: <a nod>

My wife: Priti is there so we can stay at her place. It saves us expense on stay.

Me: <two nods>

My wife: Jet is offering very good price for to and fro ticket.

Me: <two more nods>

My wife:  <Smiles – her day is made>

            

          For her, we are going as I didn’t say NO. For me, we are not as I didn’t say YES. Silence continues to be at work for few more days of blissful life. Later the topic loses its fizzle since it isn’t discussed much and her mother gets an invitation for December stay. J

Silence is equally effective at office. It helps you avoid assignments from your boss. Here is an example…since it is office communication it is through email…face-to-face talks are considered foul in the game of office.

My Boss: Prasad, please help me think creative for a new customer proposal.

Me: <it means he wants to make stories about something which we don’t know- I remain silent by not replying>

My Boss:  <after a long wait> Let us meet post lunch for this discussion

Me:  <continue to remain silent by not replying>

My Boss: <after another long wait> It’s okay; Radhika is joining me for this. You continue your work.

Me:  <after 30 mins of safety period> Oh! Just saw your mail. I was stuck in meeting and couldn’t reply in time.

;-)

My silence got my boss a woman of his creative inspiration and it saved me from a really boring job. J

My friends, out there is one man who really understands the importance of silence. He took silence to new heights and because of him SILENCE is now ruling the country. He is the man who gave silence a glory when he recently said, “My silence is better than a thousand answers”.  Learn from our PRIME MINISTER (Dr. Manmohan Singh); he is a living example of “MAUNAM SARVARTHA SADHANAM” which means, “ANYTHING CAN BE ACHIEVED BY BEING SILENT”.   

A Pilgrim's Way

I do not look for holy saints to guide me on my way
Or male and female devilkins to lead my feet astray.
If these are added I rejoice - if not, I shall not mind
So long as I have leave and choice to meet my fellow-kind.
  For as we come and as we go (and deadly soon go we!)
  The people, lord, Thy people, are good enough for me.


Thus I will honour pious men whose virtue shines so bright
(Though none are more amazed than I when I by chance do right)
And I will pity foolish men for woe their sins have bred
(Though ninety-nine percent of mine I brought on my own head)
  And Amorite or Eremite or General Averagee
  The people, Lord, Thy people are good enough for me


And when the bore me overmuch, I will not shake mine ears
Recalling many thousand such whom I have bored to tears
And when they labour to impress I will not doubt nor scoff
Since I myself have done no less and sometimes pulled it off
  Yea as we are and we are not and we pretend to be
  The people, lord, Thy people, are good enough for me.


And when they work me random wrong as oftentimes hath been
I will not cherish hate too long (my hands are none too clean)
And when they do me random good I will not feign surprise
No more than those whom I have cheered with wayside courtesies
  But as we give and as we take - whate'er our takings be)
  The people, lord, Thy people, are good enough for me.


But when I meet with frantic folk who sinfully declare
There is no pardon for their sin, the same I will not spare
Till I have proved that Heaven and Hell which in our hearts we have
Show nothing irredeemable on either side the grave
  For as we live and as we die - if utter Death there be
  The people, lord, Thy people, are good enough for me.


Deliver me from every pride - the Middle, High and Low
That bars me from a brother's side, whatever pride he show
And purge me from all heresies of thought and speech and pen
That bid me judge him otherwise than I am judged.  Amen
That I might sing of Crowd or King or road-borne company
That I may labour in my day, vocation and degree
To provr the same by deed and name, and hold unshakenly
(Where'er I go, whate'er I know, whoe'er my neighbour be)
  This single faith in Life and Death and to Eternity
  " The people, lord, Thy people, are good enough for me."


- Rudyard Kipling


Note: Special thanks to Jagmohan Nanaware for introducing me to this poem 

Rajnikanth's lessons on Project Management

          Once a Project Manager ,who is also a Rajnikanth fan, goes to Rajni and tells him his plight. He tells him about scope creep, cost overrun, schedule variance, quality issues, regression and all that which is always the state of almost all projects. 

          On this Rajnikanth thinks for a fraction of nanosecond and shares some gyan with this project manager; very similar to what Krishna did to Arjuna in Kurukshetra. This project manager ,being a wise person, records it and publishes a book on it. That book becomes very popular in project management community. People start referring it as a bible of project management practices. Soon professionals start doing certification on that book and that certificate becomes de-facto standard in Project Management expertise. All in all it becomes a 'Holy Grail' of Project Management discipline.

          The said book is popularly known as, "PMBOK Guide". 

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:


If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;


If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!


By Rudyard Kipling

L'affaire culinaire

      It was just yesterday when I was married. Like any another just married person I had only one thought on top of my mind, how am I going to carry all these gifts to my work town? While thinking about it I was also helping my new wife packing for our honeymoon tour by instructing her from T.V. room. Same time my younger sister was preparing breakfast for me and post which my dear mother would make my special coffee. My father and brother had left for market to fetch me my favorite sweet which is the specialty of our town. All in all, it was pretty hectic morning and any more work would have been injustice to me. 

     It was then when I got a call from my Boss; you can always trust your boss for such a perfect timing. In a mix of commanding and favoring tone he asked me to start preparing for an international assignment. On my arrival from vacation he wanted me to fly to Paris for three months. He concluded the call with this short message as it was a time for him to make another untimely entry. Next moment I broke this news to family and my surrounding filled with reactions. In that chaos of opinions, suggestions & recommendations I understood two important things, one that my wife can not travel with me as her passport is still not ready and two, I can not afford to eat out for whole three months so I must take a crash course in cooking before I depart. 

     Crash course in cooking reminded me of a crash I caused a couple of years back. It wasn't that I didn't know anything about cooking. By then I had tried my hands at making omelets. On one occasion I agreed to demonstrate this skill of mine to my younger brother and sister. We carefully chose the time of my parent’s absence as we were brought up as vegetarians. I indeed did a good job of demonstrating life cycle of chicken from egg to omelet and audience was certainly happy. I was at the last stage of my demo where I flip omelet by tossing it in pan.  Omelet had already left the pan and before it could take back it's earlier position doorbell rang. I knew that my parents are back which made omelet nervous and it directly crash landed on stove. This incident taught me a lesson that one must always plan for failure. Especially when failure means, cleaning whole house and living with GOMUTRA  sent for next ten days.

     Sound of pressure cooker's whistle brought me back from my memories and I found myself standing in kitchen. I realized that my mother is already on the job of training me and lesson was about cooking rice and dal. This was the only lesson she could impart before I dropped out of the course. And of course, this was the only lesson I practiced all through my three months of stay in Paris with omelet as a side dish. During this period I discovered another important thing. I knew that fridge is made to store food for longer period without spoiling it. But in my trip to Paris I discovered that rice and dal survive week long storage and they still smell fresh once you microwave them for just two minutes.  It effectively means I cooked only twelve times in three months period. Isn't that great?

     Eventually I came back from Paris and resumed my family life. I was just settling down when my phone rang again. Again it was my boss and again it was the same request. But this time I was better prepared; I had already invested in 2 months of cooking classes; 1 month of baking classes and few special home recipes.  After doing all these classes my wife was best prepared to join me for my next trip to Paris.